Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Tuesday Tails ~ The Extraordinary Voyages of Cap'n Basil Blackheart & His Motley Crew ~ Part IV

Welcome to 


Featuring our latest bonkers time travelling pirate adventure

The Extraordinary Voyages of  Cap'n Basil Blackheart and his Motley Crew 


The Crimson Revenge

Arrrrr and greetings wunderpurr pals

Welcome to the 4th episode of our newest adventure, watch the heart-pounding action unfold right before your very eyes and just in case mew missed anything, here's the links fur last 3 epically epic episodes:


A quick recap from last week

Horice's eyes bulged and he glanced offur his shoulder towards the furry, unimaginably slow but neffur the less approaching, relentless hoard.

"Cap'n Basil, we be 'aving a problem," he said rather worriedly. "They be a deadly hoard o' ravenous, pygmy cannibal tor-tye, we should be skedaddling smartly before they get o'er here 'o they'll be picking our bones clean in no time!"

I stared in utter amazement at the army of green armoured shells, painted in brightly coloured yellow, blue and white pigment closing the gap between us in eye-watering slowness and  burst out laughing.

"Horice, ye be jesting me, pulling me rigging aye?"

Horice shook his head solemnly. "Nay Cap'n Basil, they be the most devious, menacing little blighter's, savvy?"

I shook my head.

"They do thee approaching real slow like, lulling ye into a false security, then at thee last few yards while ye be laughing ye boots off at thee absurdity of it, thee charge at speed ye'll no'er see coming and before ye know it, ye'll be trussed up tighter than a wench in a bodice at thee Inn of Ill Repute and be on ye way to thee pot for o'boilin'!"

I tipped me hat back, and scratched me, sorry, my head in sheer perplexment as I carefully monitored the progress of the advancing hoard.  I wandered to my sword and pulled it free of the sand and turned to face Horice.

"What do ye suggest to solve this puzzling predicament... arrrrrrr? I asked.

Horice glanced over his shoulder again, trumpeted really loudly and screamed, "RUN YE SCALLYWAGS... RUN!"

At the precise moment the shelled army began to speed up.

"And Cut!"


So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in fur a terrifying ride today




Part IV 

  Pygmy Cannibal Tor-tye & Sharks Fin Soup

"And Action!"

I stood somewhat dumbfounded by Horice the Heffle-lumps seemingly overt roaring panic, so doing what any good pirate cap'n would do, I dismissed the furst opinion as total hogwash and went fur a much calmer second opinion.  I pulled out my telescope to check the progress of the now, more rapidly approaching pygmy cannibal tor-tye.  Then I extended my view further down the beach, where I'd spied a little whiff of smoke in the distance.

Zooming in, the only thing I can say is, I too was suddenly consumed with roaring panic.  

Horice had hit the nail on the head when he'd said, RUN!

[This is exactly what I saw!]

My wurst imaginings of being a snack fur the slowest land creature on the planet made my blood run cold, especially when I saw the giant bubbling pot and enough skelebobs to freak the bejezus out of me.  There was no way that me and me motley crew were being hors'deouvres fur a bunch of ravenous, mutant [and badly painted, I might add] cannibal tortoises.

My fur stood on end, quivering with so many emotions [fear, terror, panic, alarm, and then major annoyance at the total absurdity of it] as I swept my gaze closer to home, to check on the progress of the tor-tye army.

I had to give them credit, they were the most relentless little buggers in their chase, and some even had coils of rope draped offur their backs, they certainly meant business.  Horice was stomping, almost leaping in acute agitation.

"Cap'n Basil, what be ye plan?" he asked in nervous anxiety.

I glanced at him and then back to Smooch at the rocks while I pondered the possibilities.

Then it came to me like a lightning strike.

"Smooch!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Mew swim to the row boat, mew'll be much safer there."

He gave me a rather disconcerting look and then headed towards the softly lapping water and dipped his paw in.

"It's a bit cold Basil!" he yelled back.

"Don't be a pussy, just swim your furry booty to that boat NOW YE BLAGGARD!" 

I could see him muttering unspeakables again and made a mental note to ask him where he'd heard such language when we finally got out of this mess.

But anyhoo, I'm digressing, Smooch waded into the water, his bandanna getting washed off by a wave [he's going to be really, furry annoyed about that, I thought] and began to slowly paddle with a strange sideways stroke towards the row boat.  I turned to the Heffle-lump and said.

"Arrrrrr me giant pal, it be down to me and thee to be dealing with these ravenous beasties, what say ye... arrrrr?" I waved my cutlass in the air enthusiastically and then towards the ever nearing tor-tye.

Horice gulped loudly, and gave me a rather withering glance as he shuffled his flipping huge feet on the soft sand.

"Do ye mind if I get on ye back Horice?" I asked politely. 

"Aye, Cap'n Basil, be the best vantage point," Horice conceded as the ferocious tor-tye began to gain momentum. "What be ye plan?"

I had just scrambled up onto Horice's back and was just about to answer when the tor-tye seemed to hit the moderate-speed boost button and surged forward.

It was at that precise moment I heard the shocking, spine-tingling, gut-wrenching screams.  I spun around so quickly to follow the heinous sounds that I nearly fell off Horice when I saw what was causing the insane pandemonium. 

Smooch had almost, nearly reached the row boat, which now seemed much further out than I furst thought, but that wasn't the purroblem. The purroblem was there were several great big evil, monstrous sharks circling him.

Snowie and Parsley were screaming hysterically.  "SMOOCH SWIM! SMOOCH SWIM! SWIM SMOOOOOCH !" 

They were trying to keep the huge, sleek killing machines at bay with the oars but Smooch was flagging, losing steam by the second and the current wasn't helping, dragging him away from the small boat.  My heart lurched and then felt crushed to the size of a grain of sand, I felt sick to the furry bottom of me innards as I watched on in hopeless horror.

"SWIM! SWIM!" Parsley shrieked and thrashed at the water. "GRAB THE OAR, I'LL GET MEW!"

Snowie was beyond hysterical. "DON'T MEW DARE GIVE UP SMOOCH... PURRLEASE....  PURRLEASE.... DON'T GIVE UP!" 

I could see Smooch was nearly done fur, barely keeping his head above the water as the sharks circled closer and closer. I wiped away the beads of sweat trickling down my face, that had erupted like a geyser from my skin, my entire body was suddenly wet and clammy, my throat felt tight and I couldn't swallow as I watched one of the sharks slip out of view under the back of the boat.

Parsley and Snowie were doing their furry best to save him but right now, at this point I could see only one way this was going to end. Smooch was shark bait or fur want of a better wurd, chump!

I was so caught up in the moment I didn't realise that I'd sunk my claws deep into Horice's head [in my acute anxiety I had edged up and was now perched between his ears].  He gave a sudden shake of his head and I nearly toppled off. 

My vision became blurry and my head spun as Smooch suddenly slipped under the water and out of view.  I let out the most blood curdling scream in the entire history of my life.


It was then I noticed what Horice was doing.  He'd been watching the nightmare unfold, but had kept furry still, howeffur the giant sapphire on his forehead was glowing with an intense blue pulse, flashing quicker and quicker. 

Remembering the other purroblem we had, I glanced over my shoulder down the beach, towards the tor-tye hoard who were now in the home stretch, the last 30 yards. 

How the flip did this nightmare effur happen ran through my mind over and over, like a really bad feedback loop on constant repeat.

The tor-tye, right now, at this moment were the least of my concerns as I searched the sea fur any sign of Smooch, who still hadn't surfaced.

Snowie was wailing like a demented banshee and Parsley was frantically trying to manoeuvre the boat towards where they'd last seen him, when the shark suddenly erupted from the depths, launching out of the water.  Its jaws wide open as it soared a few feet above the row boat, Parsley saw it and surged backwards his oar outstretched and smacked the ferocious, razor-fanged fish as hard as he could, catching it in its side.  

A look of complete defeat and anguish etched its way over Snowie's face as she desperately scanned the water fur Smooch.  The huge shark crashed into the water with a mighty splash at the precise location I'd last seen Smooch, and my heart sank lower than a snakes belly, in a wagon rut with a top hat on.

"Oh purrlease no!" I was nearly choking on the wurds as they came out of my mouth, the bile rising faster than a thermometer with a match underneath it.

When completely out of the blue [pardon the pun] Smooch burst through the water and into view.

The relief that engulfed me was so immense, it fur want of a better wurd was indescribable, as effurything began to play out like a slow motion movie.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a dolphin had him balanced on its nose and was swimming towards the boat at a rapid rate, Parsley held out his oar fur Smooch to grab, when more dolphins suddenly leapt from the gentle waves and began to attack the sharks driving them away as Parsley and Snowie hauled Smooch aboard the small boat.

I could have cried, really, truly honestly wept with relief at the sight of him safely in the boat. It was then I realised I'd been holding my breath and I let out a huge sigh and then gulped several big breaths in to calm my severely frazzled, fried, baked and really toasted nerves.

Horice shifted beneath me and his trunk gently nudged my side. "Cap'n Basil, me good matey's heard me call, don't ye worry about thee little one."

"What... what Horice?" I gasped, hearing the wurds but not quite understanding the meaning.

"I sent me fishy friends, thee dolphins a message Cap'n Basil, luckily they were near and came to the rescue!" 

"But how?" I asked.

"Oh Cap'n Basil," he almost chuckled.  "I 'av many special gifts and talking telepathically with me matey's is one of 'em!"

I was dumbfound and speechless at his explanation. "Thank ye most kindly Horice!" I said with such gratitude. "I don't know what I would 'av done if..."

"Don't be worrying ye-self about such things," Horice replied softly. "It be good to 'elp me new matey's, but now we 'av to deal with evil, little blighters that be nearly upon us and in all me years I 'av never seen anyone escape them!"

His huge body shifted and turned to face the oncoming tor-tye, who were only 15 yards from us and by the looks of things, were revving up fur the final charge.  All of a sudden the most wild and bizarre plan I'd effur come up with exploded in my mind.  I leant in close and whispered in Horices ear.

"Cap'n Basil that be the darn'dest plan that ever befell on me ears!" Horice said wryly. "There be no guarantees yet we 'av nowt to lose!"

In less time than it took to say 'walk the plank mew scurvy dog!' or 'Keelhaul the blaggard!'  the huge sapphire on Horice's forehead began to glow again, pulsing faster and faster, glowing more brightly by the second.

Shouting erupted again from behind us and glancing offur my shoulder I took in the scene.  The pod of dolphins was rapidly herding the sharks towards the beach at such a speed it was incredible.  The sharks had nowhere to go and at the last minute they launched out of the water, sailing though the air.

Moments later they landed beached on the shore, midway between us and the cannibal hoard.  The tor-tye all at once, surged forward at nitrous speed and completely offurwhelmed the thrashing, snapping sharks, and within mere moments the sharks had been trussed up tighter than a turkey dinner on Catmass Day.  The army of tor-tye then began the journey back towards their camp, transporting the writhing giant sushi on their backs, and to be honest it brought a whole new meaning to a 'platter o' fish'

"Well I'll be damned!" Horice exclaimed. 

"Let's hope that feast keeps 'em occupied o'while," I said with acute alleviation.

"Aye, that should assuage thee blood thirsty beasties," Horice agreed relaxing. "That was a mightily cunning plan Cap'n Basil, arrrrrrr!"

"I couldn't 'av done without ye and ye seafaring matey's," I said rather emotionally. "Ye be the bestest fur sure, thank ye again."

Horice shifted awkwardly beneath me as he cleared his throat, and I felt he was a little embarrassed, but good deeds deserved praise and thanks, and I was so thankful Smooch had been saved from the jaws of death, literally.  Turning I glanced towards the row boat, and saw Smooch waving, albeit a little limply but neffurtheless waving at me and I gave him my bestest salute, my heart squeezed in all the right places and I smiled widely.  

A short while later, after all that excitement and I'd finally settled my acutely crisped nerves with several swigs of some mighty potent nip rum, I decided to check on the tor-tye army.  Pulling out my telescope I zoomed in on their camp down the beach, and was surprised to see they'd made it back in good time, the pot was bubbling at full speed with huge flames licking up the sides and to my complete amazement I could see that sharks fin soup was already cooking, 'Tasty!' I thought but definitely not wurth the risk.

"Horice?" I asked suddenly.

"Arrrrrrr Cap'n Basil?"

"What year be this?"

Horice thought about it fur a moment and then he replied. "It be the year 1683 and a bit if me calculations be right, why ye ask?"

I let this new information sink in before I answered. "Arrrrrrr... that be a fine year!" was all I could say while my inner turmoil began to erupt again.

Jumping jeepers I was right, we'd travelled back in time through the whirlpool, how the flip were we effur going to get back now?



Phew, we're exhausted after all of that and poor Smoochie is still recovering from his dreadful ordeal, and we're sure mew have more questions than mew could poke a stick at! MOL

And here's some from our fab buddies:

The Tabbies of Trout Towne asked us last week; What the fishing was like?

Our answer is, mostly furry deadly ~ Our hearty recommendation is DON'T DO IT

Also Flynn asked about the orb

Sorry we still have nothing to report on that as of yet, maybe next week

Kitties Blue wanted to know; If they were teenage tortoises, and possibly mutant?

Hmmmm, not sure about the age of them but they're definitely MUTANTS

If mew have any questions feel free as to ask!

*    *    *

To find out what happens next, drop by next Tuesday fur the continuing tension and to see what on earth is going to happen next!  

Join us tomorrow for our regular Wordless on Wednesday post as mew know how much we love, love, love your company and all your wunderpurr comments.

Hearty purrs and salty sea-spray head rubs

Cap'n Basil & the Crew of The Crimson Revenge XOX


  1. dood !!!

    we wanna noe if we can get a paw to graffed copee oh thiz book when it goes ta print; how doez de PA think oh such awesum storeez, was one oh de dolphinz named flipper, why did de tor tye pick blue & gold inn sted of camo flague....they iznt veree smart afturr all, did ya find smooches bandana, just what IZ goin on bak at de ship; will ya bring horice with ya when ya come bak two de few chure, N we hope ta cod shark doez KNOT taste like...chckn ~~~~~ ♥♥♥♥♥

    we canna wait til next week....

    pee ezz...thanx smooch...mumz de werd on wear ya lurned ta cuzz....:)

    we iz total lee lovin thiz storee ♥♥♥

    1. Guys, of course mew can have a signed copy if we effur get the P.A. to publish it [she's got a few novels that she still hasn't published yet!] We don't know where she gets the idea's but she must be moderately bonkers and purrhaps a lot eccentric in her thinking, that's all we're going to say on the matter!!! MOL

      We'll answer your other questions at the end of next weeks post, though some of them maybe, probably, could be answered within part 5... stay tuned.

      We're so purrleased that you're enjoying the story and we look forward, soooooooo much, to your comments effuryweek, purrs cap'n Basil and the crew xox

  2. That was so scary! Poor Smooch, I thought he was a goner. Those Tor-Tye will give me nightmares again for the next week. It's lucky I don't wear pants because I would have needed to change them for sure.

    1. Hey Flynn, jeez, mew thought Smooch was goner, I thought Smooch was a goner and by all that is merciful HE LIVED!!!

      Yep, it's a purretty good job mew don't wear pants as that would have been a rather unpleasant clean-up job!

      Come back next Tuesday fur the next pant pooping episode! MOL

  3. Oh me cats and kittens Basil, how awe yous gunna get back to da here and now? MOL

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Lexi

    1. Hiya Dezi & Lexi, we don't know how we're gonna get back... any ideas?

      Purrs Cap'n Basil & the crew xox

  4. We be thinking it's time to check eBay or Craig's List for a used time machine that you can use to get home again, unless Horice's crystal has some additional powers. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    1. MOL MOL I don't think they have Ebay or Craigs List in 1683 & a bit... we're hoping that something turns up though before something else happens [which mew know it is!] MOL

      Purrs Cap'n Basil & the crew xox

  5. OMB Basil,sorry I've been out of the loop but I've caught up and I am up to date with your escaped....hehehe seems you're in a bit of a pickle my friend.Me and Me ship the SS Speedy are ready at hand if ye need us Arrrgh it will be such fun to go on a grand adventure with ye!...hehehe xx Capt'n Speedy


*Waves Paw* we love comments and do purr extra loud when mew leave one, and we do try to reply to effurypurrdy and visit mew too! ❤️❤️❤️

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