We're The 'B' Team, oppurrating from a secret bunker somewhere in middle England ~ If mew have a purroblem, if no-purrdy else can help, and if mew find can us, then purrhaps mew can hire The 'B' Team. We also share a wide array of entertaining posts to amews mew each week, so drop by often to catch up on all the fun!
Pilchard the Parrot was hiding out in the hold. He screeched wildly. "HOT SAUCE SURPRISE! HOT SAUCE SURPRISE! HOT SAUCE SURPRISE!"
Climbing offur the debris, and ignoring the water breaching the hull, the trio began to move the boxes of the 'liquid dynamite' and get them up to the deck post haste.
"Quick!" Amber shouted as she began to jimmy the boxes open. "We don't have much time."
Pulling out two of the bottles, the ship lurched and pitched again. She held her ground and shook the hot sauce vigorously.
She said a silent prayer to who-effur might be listening and launched the bottles towards the nearest tentacle.
Humphrey tore off his bandana, and ripped it into strips and stuffed them in the bottles he'd lined up in a row. Pulling out a lighter, he lit the cloth and hurled the hot sauce missiles overboard.
Posie watched and did the same, throwing her bottles offur the opposite side of the ship.
The next few moments happened in slow motion.
* * *
So hold ye fast matey's, as we're in fur another wild ride today
Hot Sauce Surprise
"Bombs away!" Posie shrieked as she tossed another bottle of flaming hot sauce towards an incoming tentacle. "If it bleeds we can kill it!"
The fiery sauce bombs hurtled through the air like barrage of flaming red bullets. They hit the thrashing tentacles and exploded on contact, it was brutal and bloody.
The Kraken was on fire, with chunks of flesh exploding from contact with the hot sauce. It writhed with anger under the ship, rocking it fiercely and almost pulling it under the water.
"Don't stop!" Humphrey screamed above the noise of the crashing water and thrashing tentacles, he ducked just in time as one try to grab him. "Amber watch your back!"
But it was too late, a furry angry, questing tentacle had at last found a mark.
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!" Amber screeched in pain as the she was whipped up in the air and then tossed about like a rag doll.
Posie and Humphrey paused fur the briefest moment. "Let's nuke that sucker!" Posie snarled angrily as she hurled two more sauce bombs at the tentacle gripping Amber.
Humphrey threw his at the same and when the four sauce bombs connected with the slimy appendage the explosion blew the thing clean apart. Amber and the detached upper part of tentacle landed on the deck with a heavy thud.
She slithered out of the rubbery, suckered flesh that had luckily broken her fall and shuddered. "Oh my Bast, I can't believe that thing had hold of me," she cringed wiping the Kraken slime off her fur. "That has to be the most disgusting thing effur, now hand me some more of the bombs, this thing is toast as I'm officially declaring war on it!"
Hunks of Kraken flesh littered the deck as the trio continued their onslaught with wanton abandon.
* * *
Meanwhile I was still in utter awe and humungus amounts of reverence at having The Creator standing next to me on the little floating rock in the pocket universe.
"Dude," I breathed. "What should I call mew?" I paused and then thought, 'Oh flip I just called The Creator of the Universe dude, he's going to smite me fur sure!'
The Creator smiled at me, and I could see he was trying not to laugh. I gave him an apologetic look and he said. "Basil you can call me Creator."
"Creator, sorry I called mew dude," I said. "It's just that mew know, I don't get sucked into pocket universes to meet peeps such as yourself furry often."
"I understand that this will be rather unusual for you, and the answer to your next question, is no," he said kindly.
"So I'm not the 'D' wurd then?"
"Thank heavens fur that, as I how would I explain this to the P.A.?!"
"Basil," The Creator continued. "I have brought you here to impart some very important information to you and you alone, you cannot tell anyone that you've met me or that I actually exist..." he paused as I assimilated this statement. "What I have to say remains between us, do you agree?"
I pondered the enormity of this fur a moment and then nodded.
"I have watched your life evolve since you were a tiny kitten and have intervened on a couple of occasions to keep you safe when the odds were severely against you..." he took a breath.
My mind was reeling at his admission of assistance and I could name more than seven instances when I should have actually been toast and then a miracle had happened to save the day. I just thought I was lucky, but now I knew the truth, I'd had help and not just any help, I'd had THE HELP!
"As much as I try not to interfere with the mortal realm, you are very important to the master plan as without you it will fail, that is why I intervened," he sat on a rock and indicated for me to come closer.
I sat facing him, looking up into his brightly shimmering eyes, but as I tried to focus on his face I realised that I couldn't actually discern a real persons features, not like when I look at the P.A. I see her clearly and could pick her out of a crowd no problemo, but The Creator, I doubt I cold effur recognize him again.
"I want to show you something," he went on. "The easiest was for me to do this is from my mind directly into your mind, do I have your permission?"
I actually thought it was a moot point, him being who he was and all, but I nodded and said. "Mew mean like Vulcan mind meld, do mew watch Star Trek?"
"Yes," he actually chuckled. "Like a Vulcan mind meld, only I don't need to touch you."
"Let it begin," I said wundering what on earth I was going to see and whether he meant 'yes' to watching Star Trek or not.
* * *
Concurrently back on The Crimson Revenge, the Kraken had released the ship and then re-surfaced just off the port side. Its blackened, bloody tentacles steaming from being dowsed by the frigid salt water looked mangled, and wrong on so many levels.
Luckily the ship was not on fire, that was the good news. The bad news was that the Kraken was angry, or enraged might be a better wurd, or purrhaps let's say it was really, really, really miffed to a point where there was only going to be one outcome, either it survived or the ship did.
Humphrey, Amber and Posie peered offur the rail on the port side and looked at the vile monstrosity.
"It is really horribly hideous," Posie declared. "I think we should do the right thing and put it out of its misery once and fur all!"
The trio had a little chuckle.
Seeming to hear them, the Kraken launched through the water towards the ship, its beaked jaws wide, with multiple rows of razor sharp teeth on display and let out a sound, that could only be described as a death wail, high pitched and keening, designed to disarm and cripple prey.
"One entire case of hot sauce surprise coming up," Amber said as she lit the rag fuses in the box.
The three of them lifted the box to the edge of the ship and then hurled it with all their might straight at the surging Kraken, its good [still intact] tentacles flailing wildly.
The flaming box hit the Kraken smack in the mouth.
Within mere moments it was ablaze with the super scorchio hot sauce and then it exploded.
"Duck!" screeched Humphrey flopping to the deck.
Hunks and chunks of newly deceased Kraken flew through the air, some landing with a sickening, squelching thud as they hit the deck, others splashing noisily into the water.
Seagulls appeared from nowhere and began a feeding frenzy, squawking and screeching in delight at the easy pickings buffet that had suddenly appeared.
Humphrey surveyed the deck and then said with a grin. "Sushi anyone?"
* * *
In the Temple of the Pagoda, Parsley, Snowie and Smoochie were pacing next to the orb with much irritation.
"He's been gone fur offur two hours!" Smoochie said worriedly. "Surely he should be back by now?"
Amsted gave him a pitying glance. "Little one, he'll be back when it's the right time."
Parsley who was most agitated snapped. "Look mew hippy, cryptic talking monkey, Basil is our captain and we want to know he's alright and that mew've not done anything to him!"
Horice nudged Parsley with his trunk. "Little panther, please calm yeself," he reassured soothingly. "I can assure ye, that ye captain is fine and will be back soon... don't ye fret for his safety as he is actually in the safest place in the entire universe right now."
Parsley, Snowie and Smoochie sighed in unison and sat down on the steps.
The silence was deafening as time seemed to tick by in slow motion, Snowie suddenly jumped to her feet and said. "Guys I can't take this waiting anymore I'm heading back to the ship to tell the others."
She had just started to descend the stone steps when there was a soft tinkling sound. She spun around and stared at the orb.
A glittering golden stream flowed out from the depths of the orb.
"Basil! Basil! Basil!" Smooch whooped in delight as I materialized back into my solid form in the temple.
I gingerly patted myself down, making sure I was all there and when I got to the tip of my tail I answered.
"Crew we have to leave now, back to the ship!" I said urgently.
"What, why?" Parsley asked.
"They're in big trouble."
"How do mew know?" Snowie asked.
I looked at her. "Snowie trust me, ok?"
She nodded, and I could that the three of them were bursting with questions about my orb expedition, but those could wait fur now as we had a ship to save.
"What's the quickest way back to the beach Horice?" I asked.
"Cap'n Basil, thee quickest way is by smoke," Horice answered.
I gave him a perplexing glance and then remembered when I furst encountered him, he appeared as a column of black smoke, a smoke monster.
"Can we all travel like that, with our weapons too?" I asked hastily.
"Make it so, if ye will," I said.
A jiffy later we were all outside the temple weaponed up and ready to 'smoke' as Amsted gave us a huge toothy grin, exposing a mass of yellowish teeth.
"Are ye ready?" Amsted asked.
We all nodded, not really knowing what to expect.
"If all of ye can grab me trunk, Amsted will have us at the beach post haste!" Horice said.
We did as he said and a second later there was a POOF and the next thing we were zooming through the jungle in form of a streaming black cloud.
We arrived at the beach in what seemed no time at all and as the smoke touched the sand there was another POOF, then lo and behold we were all sitting there as if we'd been there fur hours. To be honest it was really quite amazing not as amazing as inside the pocket universe but close.
Anyhoo, we looked out towards the ship just as there was an almighty explosion.
Horice was the furst one to speak. "Cap'n Basil, I do believe that ye crew o'er there has just blown up thee Kraken!"
"Say what?" I choked.
"Ye crew have just blown up thee Kraken!" Horice repeated.
"Horice, I heard ye the furst time, it's just that I'm seeing what mew're saying and really can't believe my eyes!" I answered.
Parsley, Snowie and Smoochie sat, mouths agog at the scene unfolding in front of us.
A huge flaming mushroom cloud enveloped the multi-tentacled beast.
"Jumping jeepers!" Snowie burst out. "What the flip is happening?"
Horice is there anyway mew could toss me to the ship from here?" I asked urgently.
The heffle-lump thought fur a spell. "Aye Cap'n Basil, if I hold ye in me trunk and get a lash on I think I could possibly get ye the distance ye require."
"Make it so big guy!" I said. "I need to be on that ship, mew guys get the row boat and meet me there pronto."
Grasping Horice by the trunk, I gripped on tightly with both paws.
"Are ye ready Cap'n Basil?" he asked.
"Aye that I am!"
He lifted me up and then began to spin his trunk like a propeller, faster and faster and faster.
I was barely holding on when Horice yelled. "Now!"
I let go and was jettisoned at almost warp speed towards the ship.
As I flew I saw Parsley, Snowie and Smooch running along the soft, sandy shore towards the moored row boat with Horice hot on their heels.
I whipped my sword out and held it in front of me as I soared through the air like burd on a purrfect trajectory towards The Crimson Revenge.
Just as I had almost reached my crew, a huge thundering boom resounded around the bay, I barrel rolled to pinpoint the source and when I did locate it my heart sank, the Kraken was small fry compared to what was coming next.
As each week passes there are still so many questions, such as:
Is the Kraken gone fur good?
What did The Creator Dude tell mew?
How did mew know the crew and ship were in trouble?
Did mew learn the secrets of the universe?
What was it like to travel by smoke?
Are mew really having sushi fur dinner?
Is The Crimson Revenge on fire?
OMC who the flip has turned up now?
And how could anything possibly be wurse than a Kraken?
* * *
To find out what happens next, drop by next Tuesday fur the continuing tension and to see what on earth is going to happen next!
Join us tomorrow for our regular Wordless on Wednesday post as mew know how much we love your visits, nip tea and light refreshments are prepared fresh should mew require anything while mew're here, mew only have to ask.