Tuesday, 1 August 2017
THE LAST BIG JOLLY ~ Part III Of Our Latest Epically Epic Adventure!
In our latest mind-blowing, fur-raising, most epically epic adventure to date when we attempt to travel around the wurld in 42 and a bit days!
What could possibly go wrong?
Pawesome greetings supurr pals
Welcome to Part III of our latest saga and we know this is the post mew've all been waiting fur since fureffur, so let's get started!
To catch up on the action, here's the link fur last week:
A quick recap from the last episode:
Parsley appeared and held up the cage fur my inspection, inside was the dragon, who was now only 8 inches long from nose to tail.
"My miniaturizing ray gun, I just knew it'd come in handy!" Humphrey waved the weapon and then pointed at the now furry shrunken beast. It tried to incinerate the cage bars but as it flamage was no hotter than an average lit-match, it was a case of Cage: 1 vs Dragon 0.
"Neat," I said. "Now what are we going to do with it?"
"I thought we'd take it back to Sleepy Hollow and..." Humphrey answered.
"What, mew want to take that back to the bunker?" I pointed at the maniac dragon trying to burn his way out of the cage, it gave a whole new meaning to the phrase; Hissy Fit.
He nodded. "Oh it's purrfectly safe and I have a room just waiting fur such a beasty, don't I Flambe?"
"Flambe? What the flip is flambe?" I asked.
"Oh that's his name," Humphrey replied. "Cute huh?"
I had no wurds fur that... I just nodded and entered the TTTB.
Parsley and Humphrey followed and I heard the door close with a solid clunk.
Smooch and Fudge we're all offur the mini-dragon as Parsley took it away.
"I hope mew have a safe containment fur that thing," I said as Humphrey headed towards his console.
"Oh yes, I brought some of my Impermeable Specimen Cubes, Parsley will put him in one until we get home," Humphrey beamed. "And Fudge can feed him!"
The expression on my face must have said effurything, as Humphrey replied. "OK I'll keep Flambe away from the heathens and feed him myself!"
I nodded and let out the breath I'd been holding as a myriad of horrendous escaped dragon scenarios whirled through my mind. "Good idea and don't let them effur know where mew're keeping it either!" I said sitting in my chair and crossing Madrid off the bucket list with a red Sharpie.
Snowie said. "Basil we're ready to head fur Helsinki..."
Suddenly a metallic voice sounded through the comms system. "Hello B Team, my name is Astrid Invictus and I'll be your tour guide from here. Sorry I was unable to communicate before but my voice synchronization files were corrupted due to an unscheduled delete, however all my systems are now back online and fully functioning, so sit back, get some refreshments, enjoy the ride and Helsinki here we come."
THINGS JUST GOT BETTER WITH ROBOT MICE
We all just stared at one another fur the briefest of moments, not quite believing what we were hearing.
"Ex-queeze me?!" I said. "Er... Astrid, can I call mew Astrid?"
The A.I. responded in her metallic, grating voice and said. "Captain Basil, it is perfectly acceptable for you to call me Astrid."
I took a breath. "Astrid while your assistance is welcome, we would prefer to be in charge if that's ok?"
Silence fell across the bridge and we waited fur an answer. The seconds ticked by and no answer came.
I had just taken my seat when a strange squeaking sound broke the stifling silence, and no it wasn't my chair, I checked. We looked this way and that until we pinpointed its source. A shiny robot mouse droid carrying a silver tray laden with several glasses of neon green smoking liquid wheeled in and sped towards us. A second robot mouse followed with another silver tray filled with fresh baked nip muffins, the warm spicy aroma was incredible.
As the furst mouse slowed down next to my chair, I reached out and took one of the neon drinks and tentatively gave it a sniff.
"Freakin' flip me backwards and call me Bay-Zil!" I exclaimed recoiling. "That's 110% proof, Astrid are mew trying to get us inebriated by purrchance?"
Humphrey whose always had a bit of a nip purroblem took a glass, sniffed it, downed it, burped and reached fur another. "By all that is sacred that has to be the best nip liqueur I've effur had."
In the moments that followed the entire B Team were all offur the mice and the trays were emptied. I was feeling rather mellow and extremely chilled out when Astrid finally spoke.
"Captain Basil, we have arrived at your next destination, would you and the B Team form an orderly queue by the door and we'll begin your tour."
Data scrolled on the bridge monitors as we ambled rather languidly towards the exit.
"Got guns?" I asked. "Comms online? Camera Drone ready?"
Parsley grinned at me and slurred. "Yesh Bashil!" And then he promptly slid down the wall in a boneless heap and laughed hysterically.
Freakin' lightweights I thought as Smooch, Fudge and Pandora all ended up on the floor in a big heap of laughter. "Astrid, can mew get the Robot Mice to bring out some extra strong coffee purrlease as it would seem that your aperitifs were rather strong fur some of the crew?"
I hadn't even blinked when the robot mice appeared trundling on little wheels towards the writhing fur heap brandishing trays of fresh brewed coffee, as I looked closer I saw that one was called RMD1 and the other RMD2. Coffee was served to and drank by the lightweights while I pondered the possibilities of having robot mice.
"Astrid?" I asked. "Why do we we have robot mice droids on wheels on board?"
"Captain Basil, they serve many purposes," Astrid replied. "They are the maintenance crew, clean-up crew, food prep crew and general handy-mice on-board just to mention a few of the services they offer."
I thought about this fur another moment, then turned to Humphrey, Snowie, Angel Posie and Amber. "Did mew guys know about the RMD's?"
"Nope!" came the unanimous reply. "But they sure would be handy in the bunker," Amber said.
"My thoughts exactly," I replied making a mental note to go into production upon our return.
It took a while longer fur the lightweights aka Parsley, Smoochie, Fudge and Pandora to sober up and more than one round coffee was required, then finally we opened the door to this.
Helsinki: Suomenlinna Date: 1876 Dimension: 2 ~ Alpha Sector
Danger: 2% Risk of Injury: 0.5% Risk of Mortality: 0% Outside Temp: +18
Air Quality: Pawesome
"Effuryone get in position!" I called out as the B Team ran riot offur the monument. "Two minutes to photo opp three, Helsinki."
Parsley flew the drone via the remote above the harbour and then seeing we were all in place yelled. "SAY CHEESE!"
"CHEESE!" we all yelled in unison.
* * *
We all piled back in the TTTB and picked at the refreshments being served, which I have to say were rather delicious. Those RMD's really knew how to put on a wheely buffet, it was pawesome.
Astrid spoke. "B Team we are headed to your next destination, we will be landing in a few minutes. By all indications we can do four more destinations and then take time out."
"Good plan Astrid," I said helping myself to another cheesy nip puff.
As we partied on, the TTTB landed and we readied ourselves fur the next destination.
Moscow: Red Square Date: 1955 Dimension: 8 ~ Orion Sector
Danger: 12% Risk of Injury: 25% Risk of Mortality: 0% Outside Temp: +15
Air Quality: Moderate
* * *
Prague: Powder Tower Date: 1876 Dimension: 3 ~ Phoenix Sector
Danger: 23.5% Risk of Injury: 42% Risk of Mortality: 8% Outside Temp: +8
Air Quality: Moderate to Good
* * *
Geneva: Lake Geneva Date: 1634 Dimension: 5 ~ Atlas Sector
Danger: 53% Risk of Injury: 49% Risk of Mortality: 13% Outside Temp: +17
Air Quality: Excellent - Supurr Fresh
* * *
Berlin: The Wall Date: 1980 Dimension: 11 ~ Dragus Sector
Danger: 99% Risk of Injury: 93% Risk of Mortality: 98.9% Outside Temp: +25
Air Quality: Awful - Breathing Apparatus Advised Fur Prolonged Outdoor Periods
* * *
I placed the breathing apparatus tanks back in their rack and had sat back in my supurr-luxe pleather chair [with extra squeakiness] crossing off our last five destinations when I looked up and suddenly realized I had been all alone on the bridge and completely lost in thought when Fudge came careening towards me.
"Basil come quick, look what we've found!" he was almost whooping with joy.
"What's happening Fudge?"
"OH MY COD mew've just got to come and see this!" he exuded, excitement making his giant floof-tail quiver all offur and then he dashed off.
I followed him along a purple mood-lit corridor and through some saloon swing doors.
What met my eyes was truly amazing. If I hadn't seen it furst paw I'd neffur have believed it, through the doorway was this...
Well mew could have knocked me down with a robot mouse, dipped me in nip and dressed me as a cucumber and I wouldn't have been more shocked!
The mewsic suddenly blared out as Fudge yelled. "Basil's here, let's get rockin'!"
We were having a ball, Smooch finally got his turn at the mic and was singing, We Will Rock Mew by The Queens, and if I do say so myself he was freakin' pawesome dudes!
Nip cocktails were flowing, the food was being nommed and RMD1 + RMD2 constantly refilled our drinks and plates until no-purrdy had a clue what was happening, how long we'd been there or even what day it was. Humphrey passed out, and we were just about to call it a night when it all went black.
"Jumping Jeepers!" I slurred as my eyes switched to night-vision. "What genius turned the power off?"
Astrid's metallic voice suddenly rang-out offur the comms system. "DANGER DANGER WARNING WARNING, we have an alien entity on-board."
It's that time of the post, when we bet mew've more questions than mew can shake your tail at!
OMC How could mew leave us hanging like that and we've got a whole week to wait?!
OH MY COD!!!!! OH MY COD!!!!! OH MY COD!!!!!
Like seriously ~ mew've got robot mice?
WOW can we order some?
What's the delivery time on them?
Jeez, and they make mew cheesy nip puffs? That's just the best!
What was all that smoggyness in Berlin? Thank cod mew had some breathing apparatus.
Lake Geneva looked really luffley, did mew see any lake monsters?
And mew've got your furry own on-board karaoke bar, what other surprises does the TTTB hold?
Guys, do mew know that mew've got aliens on-board?
Like seriously, they aren't those face-hugger egg-laying mother freakers are they?
If mew have any questions, or would like to offur input, leave us a comment, as mew know we luffs them so much! MOL
Join us fur Part Four of our Summer Blockbuster next Tuesday, when we continue on our epically epic adventure.... who knows what will happen.... as now we've got aliens on the rampage!
* * *
Bunker Background Images used under license from Shutterstock.com
All Destination Backgrounds used under paid Pizap Licence